“Girl you have changed!!”. One statement I dislike to hear but I get to hear from everyone. Everyone around you is screaming out loud telling you that you have changed. Isn’t there a rule of nature or something that says, “Change is the only thing that is constant”??
We change because we have to. Because this is how we grow up. We have to move from frocks to trousers, from flavored milk to black coffee, from video games to presentations. Not that we are choosing to live this way leaving those old good carefree things behind, because who wants to grow up? Yet when destiny comes into play, choice sometimes goes out the window. When I was young I remember how large did the world seem to be. Unlike other kids, I never wanted to grow up. I never used to remember my path from school to back home. My father used to leave me there and my mother used to pick me up. I was too scared that time that how I will ever be able to travel the world on my own? While growing up many times people told us that it was stupid to play with those dolls and kitchen sets and doctor sets anymore. I cried a lot, but I had to put them all aside because I had to grow up and become an original doctor or original whatever.
And I didn’t realize where I deserted that innocent girl behind. The body can be unyielding when it comes to acknowledge the change. Our heart isn’t ready to accept the changes. Until we figure out how to comprehend this new reality that what is lost… will be lost for eternity. That sweet little girl was lost inside this thick skin and pretentious brain of mine. A skin which became this thick because people were never done hurting and bruising my self confidence and a mind that became that pretentious because over the time I realized that being original and myself doesn’t work.
As adults we are told to look on the bright side, to make lemonade, and see glasses as half full. Sometimes reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part though. Your health can fail, boyfriends can cheat, friends can disappoint. It’s in these moments, when you just want to get real, drop the act, and be your true scared unhappy self.- Meredith
I remember having those innocent infant eyes, tear stained cheeks, uncombed hair, dirty in dust uniform and untied shoe laces when I used to come back from school and never had to worry that I will not see my Mom waiting there. The biggest apprehension that time was that I may not procure first position in the class. I wish I could go to back to those days. I wish I don’t have to come to this hostel room back where nobody cares about how my day went, that where am I throwing my uniform or bags, that did I finish my Tiffin box, Did I even have a tiffin box, and how am I feeling. But it all happened so fast that I didn’t have time to save it.
I had to part from many people while travelling through this long journey because nobody had time to look back for others. It was like riding in a bus with many people. Whenever their station came, they left to take their other bus. All we said was goodbyes.. With a slight desire of meeting or seeing them again in our lives. Many of them still live in our heart while rest of them forgot us and were being forgotten. They moved on. So did we. People who weren’t supposed to let us down wronged us and people we never imagined to live without were taken away. And amid all of this, we were taught to take it nicely and learn to live with all of heartbreaks because this is life all about. To live without regrets, with hopes of better future. We aren’t even supposed to look back because those things don’t carry much meaning now and cant be undone.!
Its hard now to believe that I did almost everything that I thought I never would and I ended up in so many situations I used to think I would never face. But one thing I am really happy and satisfied for is, I don’t regret any of things I did. I never violated the set of rules I made for myself. I never did anything so wrong that I couldn’t lift the burden off my heart and I earned those people in this course whom I can confide in, with all my feelings and life. I have got a family who wants to see me all grown up, becoming responsible, establishing myself, getting married and having my perfect happy ending. I have earned friends who love me and are not fooled by any dark images of mine. Who don’t judge me, but remember my wholeness when I am feeling incomplete. I have got a partner who is a real gentleman. The one who is the Sunshine of my life.
So, Growing up and changing is where horrible things happen and those who don’t believe in it are maybe right . What I believe is, maybe things have hurt me in ways I will probably never get over. I have a lot of memories of people I lost forever, but I have other memories too. This is when I fall in love, when I made the best friends for life, when I had best times of my life, when I learnt to become something more than a kid, where I learned to take responsibility for someone else. Basically it all carved me as myself.
So I figure this phase has given me as much as it has taken from me, I have lived here as much as I survived. It depends on how we look at it. And I am gonna choose to look at it that way.!
Hence growing up and changing myself isn’t that bad after all.!!