Only a few things that I learned in 2017.
Denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining, and Acceptance.! Five stages of grief. The Kübler-Ross model.
- Before 2017, every time I went through any grief, analyzing which stage am I on, as of then, helped me to reach the final stage sooner. What they say happens in the last stage is, you accept the circumstances and become strong enough to deal with them. What actually happens is, you give up. You decide not to fight any more.
- The first time I start something and anything for that matter, I pretend to be interested in to it. It always starts with apprehensions and pretensions. When I make friends, my first thought is never like, oh wow! Where were you this entire life? (Yeah! Never happened with me). The initial stage is always such that, I accept, tolerate, adjust and experience. The best of the friends I have, only after a lot of fights and making up I realized, we belong to the same team. The time I confessed my feelings, it wasn’t really that I was in love. I was in love with the idea of being in love with him and I wanted to see how it goes. Only after having lived the time of my life, I realized it was me, myself, who I become and who I am, when I am with him, is whom I love.
Disclaimer: Everything which I am going to write today, is not going to make sense, is not going to be interrelated. My thoughts are messy, and hence important to be put down in writing. Maybe when I will read this a few times, I will know what I am looking for.
- The best things in your life happen in the most unexpected ways. And worst things almost never happen unexpectedly. Reality is, a lot of bad that happens, has always been there, but you conveniently decide to overlook it, letting it be overshadowed by the glitters of all seem-to-be-great that is happening, till one day, when the sunshine fades and you can see the bad and good in the same light. You decide to put your own light to make those glitters shine again this time, but isn’t this supposed to be done, anyway? Everything needs efforts. So you do it. But one day, that fades too. And you start looking for someone who will bring some brightness. If you had that last spec of luck with you, others may give you some light. But they get tired too, only to make you see all the bad that is there. Now something funny about this situation is, you can see the bad now, but the good is still not out of sight. (It’s just out of light – metaphorically). This is why you still can’t completely overlook the good and you shouldn’t. All good and bad are relative after all.
Did this make any sense?
- The things that make you look like strong-willed and keeper in front of people, may make you look weak and non-self-respecting by the same people in the later point-in-time. Since, you appreciated their opinions, and believed them when they said you are a fighter, you need to accept their opinions with the same belief when they tell you, that now you are a loser. You become a loser for fighting the same fight, which made you a fighter in the first place. Irony?
- Friends always stand by you, they fight for you, and they fight from your side, when everyone else thinks you are wrong. That’s nothing extraordinary though. You really must have done something extraordinary in your life, to earn the friends who stand by your side, knowing that you are doing wrong, but support you, because that’s what you will do for them too. And that has to be earned. That’s your capital for life. Ofcourse, I am broke.
- You can be as nice as you want to be, trust me, you can choose to think that you should do everything you can, because then good will come back to you too. And funny thing is you start living in a bubble that it’s true. Until one day, that bubble bursts and you realize, it’s not ‘good’ or ‘nice’ that people are looking for. They are looking for another person who will be there for them, ‘good’ or ‘bad’, whatever!
- Moments are short-lived. Struggle is a phase. Memories last forever. And so do regrets. So, choose the memories that you want to make, and work towards them. And work so hard, that you have nothing left to regret.
- You can choose to move to “acceptance” after all the depression. Or you can choose to move to “Acceptance and hope”. Acceptance and hope, contrary to acceptance brings an entirely different picture. I am not an expert. I only know myself, and so I say, I believe that acceptance and hope does not mean giving up. It means rebuild. Like a Phoenix. Get burnt, turn in to ashes, rise from ashes and re-emerge.
Only time will tell.
2017 changed me as a person. 2017 changed everything about everything I knew. I made more friends, than that my introvert personality permits me. I had the greatest time of my life. I had more fun than ever before. And also, I lost my faith in only emotion that I believed in to. I lost friends that I made. I lost myself. I lost just about everything I was proud of.
There is only one thing about me, which may have survived 2017 (if it survives next 6 days too). And that’s ‘hope’.
I guess, I still have “hope” to lose in 2018 after all!